5 Ways to Create Connection to your Teenager Everyday.

Teenagers are wired to start withdrawing from that close relationship you have nurtured, and loved, since they were born. It is a time for them to start feeling out the edges between who you are and who they and – in terms of brain development – it is a time where they are drawn to find their identity in their peers more than in their parents. But this can be a challenging time for parents and, even though they are instigating it, an equally challenging time for teenagers who still need you – even from afar. Here are some suggestions to remind your teenager that you are still here for them, that that bond is still strong, even when you feel like ships in the night – sometimes on the stormiest of seas!

1. Make the first move at least once a day

It can be easy to wait for your teenager to come to you but, often, they won’t. So make the first move instead and reach out to them. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture – just a simple “how was your day?” will do. But making that effort shows them that you are still interested in their lives and that you still care. Even better if you can be specific: know something about their lives that day – an activity or lesson they had – and follow up on it.

2. Eat dinner together…even if it’s just a quick bite

Sharing a meal is one of the best ways to connect with someone and it doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out affair. If time is tight, just sit down for a quick bite together – even if it’s just a bowl of cereal! And use that time to talk about your day, to ask questions and to really listen to the answers. It is easy to refuse this for teenagers, so make it appealing to them. Offer something they like to drink or eat and make this 5 minutes that special time.

3. Give them some space…but not too much

It is important to give your teenager some space to grow but, at the same time, you don’t want them to feel like they can just disappear into their room and you will never see them again! This is their space and you should actively show that to them – it reflects the independence they need. However, make it clear that you still need to factor in some family time – and make that part of your weekly routine. Whether it’s planning a 5 minute activity together or just sitting in the same room watching TV, being in the same space is important.

4. Put down your phone

When you are with your teenager, make sure to put down your phone and give them your full attention. This simple act shows that you value them and also models what you want from them – that they too put down the phone!

5. Talk about the things that matter…to them

You might be raring to go on the latest world news but, chances are, your teenager couldn’t care less. So find out what interests them and talk about that instead. It doesn’t have to be a deep and meaningful conversation – just something to show that you are interested in their world. You might be surprised at what you learn…and how much you enjoy it! This also models that you have time for them and that you are interested in THEM – their thoughts, values and feelings – which, in turn, validates them and reinforces that this sense of personal identity they are forming is valuable to you.

It can be hard to keep the lines of communication open with your teenager but it is so important to do so. These 5 minutes out of your day will make a world of difference to both of you.

For more tips on creating Calmer homes, download my FREE ebook Conflict to Connection in 4 Easy Steps here

And make sure you have joined the Facebook Group Calm Connected Parent Club here.