My Arthur Fowler Christmas Moment.

Christmas is Tough as a Parent.

It was the day after boxing day.

The first day I had had to myself – well, the kind of ‘myself’ you have when you have a two year old.  The husband was back at work. There were no visiting family, or family to visit.  There were no big meal to prepare and eat or simply to eat.  There was no more wine appearing in my glass where a well-meaning family member had topped it off.

And relax.

Or is it?

The house was now rammed with toys in every corner of every room. The decorations, which only 24 hours ago looked magical and spoke of happiness, joy and all things wonderful about Christmas, are now simply clutter, tat and mess.

I itched with frustration.

My son wanted ALL the toys built and played with and I wanted to continue the joy, the magic, the fun for him.  But, in reality, I was really struggling.

I was exhausted.

There had been no time to relax over Christmas for me.  I had been stuffed full of food that was laden in fat and sugar. Submerged in booze and had little sleep as my son still woke at least 3 times a night and was up by 6 – at the latest.  I had not prioritised any self-care for me – it was all about others. If I don’t watch what I am putting in my body (food, drink, sleep) I notice all tolerance goes.  I am impatient, snappy, my mood dives, the way I talk to myself changes and generally my outlook on life.

I was on The Edge.

So, back to the toys…. He had been given a Scaletrics (is that how you spell it?  Who know?  Who cares!) and wanted the most complicated design of the track to be built.

I struggled.  I clipped in one piece, another came apart.  I could feel it bubbling…the frustration…the annoyance at myself for not ‘getting it right’…. The resentment that I was always ‘on.’  The it happened.

I had what I now refer to as my Arthur Fowler moment:  I burst open and unleashed hell on that Scaletrics.  If I were under the age of 6, people would call it a full-blown tantrum.  I was in The Red Rage and there was no coming back.  The Christmas Tree was taken down.  The room …. let’s say was decluttered – quickly…and shamefully aggressively. My boy, watching with a look of incomprehension and sadness and – the worst of it – fear on his face. Even talking about it now.  The utter shame and guilt I feel about it now.  The healing I had to do- for myself, for my little boy.  It is one of the darkest moments – if not the darkest moment of my parenting journey.

And what did I learn?  Why am I telling you this?  Why now?

This is going out on the blog a few days after Christmas and I am betting that there will be plenty of parents out there who are feeling the same way I did: brimming with adrenaline to keep going, running on empty from nothing nurturing your body or mind over the last week.  And if this is you, I want you to know you are not alone.  Christmas is a tough time for many people, for many different reasons.

I have never let myself – or my system – get in that kind of mess again.  If this is you, here is what I suggest you do.

• Ask for help. Ask for a day, an afternoon, an hour – whatever you can get – to yourself.
• Get outside and MOVE. A swift walk (even in the rain), a run…anything that gets your body moving will get your system flowing again and the endorphins will lift your mood, the movement will start to flush out all the Christmas crap you have put in it.
• Get mellow. The temptation to sit and wallow will pull you in you let it – don’t, it will pull you further down.  If you must sit, do it with a book, or a bath or both.  Dim the lights – make it a process of nurture, not a function to get clean. Candle – may I suggest candles.
• Decide where you need to set boundaries. What do you carry alone that you need to delegate.  Make one decision – one shift in your life.  This will feel difficult, but empowering and then relief as you feel some of the load lifting.
• Watch what you put in to your body. Make a promise to flush your system with water for a few days at least.  If you must drink alcohol, do it only in the evenings and limit for a few days – it is just a few days.  Get some fresh food in to you.  Liven up your system.
• Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself nicely.  Journal:  In 2023, what more do I need to do to be kind to myself?

Make 2023 your year, by working out what it is that you need to make yourself a happier version of you.